Waiting on my Reason by Devon Ashley

Author:Devon Ashley [Ashley, Devon]
Language: eng
Format: epub

Damn my conflicted mind. One part of me wanted to run off from here, find Shane and beg him to forgive me, to accept me for who I was. The other part of me wanted to let him cut and run, let him live a more drama-free life. Brad would always be a sore spot for us. I mean, how could we not constantly think of him, the third point that created a very fucked up triangle? Not to mention Jake. So far he was the spitting image of Brad, which to be honest, wouldn’t make things easier. Just another way to force us to remember that I used to be Brad’s.

I told myself that if both would’ve asked me out back then, that I would’ve chosen Shane. But I really wasn’t sure about that. I didn’t know either one of them going into that triangle. Both were good-looking, one blond with blue eyes, the other brown with green eyes. Both had killer smiles and tight bodies. With time I grew to love Brad, but I had to fight my eyes from trying to linger towards Shane. I tried not to pay much attention to it, convinced it was just that syndrome of always wanting what you couldn’t have. But he stuck with me through the years, even once Brad was long gone. At some point you have to stop and ask yourself…is it lust or an actual longing for someone?

I was beginning to think both now that I’d had the chance to feel his hands on my body. The lust was definitely front and center in his proximity, but I knew my interest really lied on a deeper level. I felt the loss through the years, like a little hole was somewhere inside me, like a piece of me left when he did and it never came back for me. But it was like I could sense it again when he was near. It called to me. Connected with me when he touched me, making me feel complete.

Stupid really. At least that was what the other side of my head kept telling me.

Wishful thinking, all of it. I seemed so enamored by the idea of being with Shane that I was actually beginning to convince myself we were best off together. And where I could probably agree that was true for me, it wasn’t necessarily true for him. I was the baggage dumped and left unclaimed at the airport, so inconsequential and easily replaceable that no one ever cared to go back for it. Not worth the effort.

I twisted and leaned sideways against the tree, inhaling and exhaling several deep breaths. I was beginning to give myself a headache with all the back and forth commentary going on inside my head. I kept forgetting the most important part in this equation. Jake. It was what was in his best interest moving forward that mattered. Not me. Not Shane. Not my miserable heart. Just Jake.

I heard a car door slam in the distance, and I moaned my annoyance.

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